RED FLAGS IN RELATIONSHIPS

 

We are created for relationships and it is doubtful if any of us could have survived without a relationship. From our cradle, as toddlers we were so frail and helpless that we depended on someone, a mother or carer to nurture us to babyhood and we found ourselves as adults able to look after ourselves. Even as adults we cannot survive without connection with someone. John Donne says

“No man is an island entire of itself; everyman is a piece of the continent, a part of the main”

It is essential for every human being to engage in personal relationships, which might be casual or long-lasting.

In the course of life we all have different types of relationships, from family members and acquaintances to school mates, university course mates, work colleagues, religious friends and life partners. Though each of these relationships has their particular dynamics, it is essential we have the tools to identify potential harmful ones so that we can protect ourselves. This is the thrust of this write-up. How to identify red flags in a relationship. The tools you will learn here is applicable to all forms of relationship, especially the one you want to make permanent.

Red flags are behaviours that make you uncomfortable or give you serious concern. Something your gut feeling tells you to be cautious about or sends you a note of warning such as a tightness in your chest or your heart rate rapidly increases. Usually this is an indication that there is something you need to address, whether with yourself or with the other party. It is not advisable you ignore such warnings.

SOME RED FLAGS

1.  The way your partner expresses anger makes you feel
unsafe.

Emotional outburst can occur in a relationship and it is normal to have periods of disagreement in any relationship. But if your partner gets so angry he has to punch a wall or break household items, there is a probability that unexpected situations may arise that could escalate those behaviors in the future. Because anger management issues can segue into emotional and physical abuse, it is wise to take this as an obvious sign to consider putting an end to the relationship immediately.

2.  Lack of respect.

How does your partner treat you? Does he put you down? Does he make major decisions without consulting you? Does he embarrass you in front of others? Does he look at other women/men while in your presence? Does he dismiss whatever you say as “nonsense” or “stupid’ and traits you as a disposable appendage? Does he/she makes you feel as if you are the luckiest person to have such a “honourable” person like him/her in your life?

If you have a partner who does not prioritize you and refuses to spend time with you, it’s a show of disrespect. No relationship is perfect, but don’t allow yourself to be mistreated, taken for granted, or diminished in any way.

3.  Not taking responsibility

A person who does not hold themselves accountable for their actions lacks personal integrity and respect for you. Everyone makes mistakes, but it is a sign of maturity and willingness to admit a mistake has been done. It is easier to make things work when someone accepts blame.

By taking responsibility, a person can show their remorse and acknowledgment of the wrong that they have done. It should give you hope for things getting better in the future. But denial and blaming others is one of the blaring red flags in a long-term relationship.

4.  Verbal and physical abuse

Sometimes arguments between friends/couples can get heated, but there is no room for verbal or physical abuse in any relationship. It is a problematic relationship red flag when your partner brings in toxicity by hurling abusive and hurtful words at you. Even throwing things in your direction can later aggravate into much uglier actions. Research has revealed that verbal abuse itself can be highly aggressive and manipulative.

Any form of physically abuse is a red flag that must not be ignored in any relationship

5.  Unhappy about your success

Does your partner celebrate your successes? You should ideally want the best for your partner.

But some people are unable to feel happy for their partners because of jealousy and selfishness. They see themselves in competition with their partners; therefore, their partner’s success is demeaning to them. If your partner tries to force you to abandon a promising trajectory in your life, ministry or career because he cannot live with the success you will attain, you should consider your options.

6. Controlling your behavior

A partner that tries to control all aspects of your life is most likely to be the cause of your unhappiness soon. A partner trying to force or manipulate you into doing everything they want is dangerous. It is unacceptable to force you to wear what they want, work where they like, and act in ways they approve. These actions may seem caring at first, but they might become suffocating and impact your self-confidence. Controlling relationship red flags can be detrimental to your confidence.

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